- Taking an anger-fueled, weapon-free stroll through pitch-black Prospect Park at 1 a.m.
- Lying on a park bench outside of Prospect Park at 1:30 a.m., crying
- Arrive home at 2 a.m., wake roommate with yelling, respond to her yelling with a swift slap to her face
- $22 poorer next day in book-purchase-as-apology
Why not give it another shot:
- Meet Trini neighbor’s kind and generous family, shatter 24 oz. Corona bottle on their porch
- Show off my ass-shaking “skills” while dancing with Trini grandma, am told I’m “highly intoxicated” by intimidatingly Amazon woman—am also invited to Trinidad for Carnival (good)
- Decide more Grey Goose is a swell idea, blackout before we leave, wake up brownout in my living room in puddle of piss (bad)
- Meet temporary roommate for the first time, eat pineapple and chat while he cooks, still brownout, still soaked in urine (he didn’t seem to notice)
- Next-day hangover + dealing with pee-soaked fabrics and pee-scented apartment = why haven’t I put my finger down my throat yet?
Here’s to getting wasted like a good 16-year-old should.